This is not a polished article; rather, it is a spontaneous post I wrote the day my university exam results came out. I am sharing it exactly as it is—frustration and all—because it taught me a genuine lesson about the difference between deeply understanding the material and studying merely to pass the exam. What troubles me most is that this lesson repeats itself with almost every exam, yet I still do not know the reason—or perhaps I pretend not to know because it is painful, or maybe I truly do not know.
I have quit smoking. Things were going well and my life had stabilized — and then came the result: a fail. Damn. I feel a lump in my throat.
I got my university results today, and I failed the course — even though I'm pretty sure I was the only one in the class who knew the difference between EDR and XDR. After all, we are cybersecurity master's students; we learn data analysis and model training specifically to understand how these systems work in the real world. What makes me feel incredibly stupid is that the exam itself was unfair. That's when the truth hit me: you aren't required to actually understand the subject matter or grasp its purpose — you're only required to pass. My mistake was putting effort into learning and experimenting rather than studying for the exam. I hadn't realized I needed to study for the test itself. Still, this proves my passion for the subject, which is the silver lining in all of this.
Anyway, when I left the exam hall, I knew I hadn't passed. On the long drive home — from Leipzig to Dresden — I felt a mix of excitement at having recognized the questions and their format, and shock that they were identical to the practice exercises; I hadn't expected it to be that simple. When I got home, I reviewed the material again. Studying it right after the exam gave me a sense of satisfaction — a feeling that I had actually accomplished something.
In truth, there are many frustrating aspects to this journey that make me question things: Why didn't I just keep it simple? Why didn't I see this coming? Why did I put in that extra effort? I don't know when this cycle will end; it has been going on since high school, through four years of university, and now into my master's studies. At the end of every semester, the same questions arise, to the point where I feel it might be too late to fix the problem.
I also received a very low grade in the “Agile Risk Management” course. Ironically, I manage my entire life using the Kanban system. I chose a project called “Rattles” — an npm package designed to scan for and protect against supply chain attacks.
The concept is simple: when you want to download something, the system takes a snapshot of the current state, downloads the file, takes another snapshot, and compares the two to detect any signs of an attack or virus. I loved this idea; it stemmed from questions that came to mind while I was on the train from Dresden to Leipzig.
I saw many grain farms and trucks. Essentially, the trucks represent the packages in transit, while the warehouses represent the environments. The protection methods depend on what is being transported and stored; for instance, if you are storing grain, your enemies are rats and moisture — threats that could travel from the truck to the warehouse. Securing the warehouse — and the points before and after it — is key to understanding how to protect software packages against supply chain attacks.
Securing the warehouse — and the points before and after it — is key to understanding how to protect software packages against supply chain attacks.
Anyway...
I worked on this as a project, applying Agile principles with my team. Man, my team was amazing — so much so that after we got a bad grade and I was blaming them, one of them said, “Don't blame us; we only understood what the tool actually was from the presentation itself.” That's when I simply said, “Screw it” (in Arabic, by the way). Incidentally, I discovered something absurd: all the principles of the Agile methodology and risk management are nonsensical and incorrect, and the entire estimation process is futile — if one fails to take into account artificial intelligence and its impact on speed and accuracy.
Anyway, the university will be finished; it's just a matter of time, with multiple feelings you should feel it and be done.